Almighty father, this is the first time I have ever written a letter to you. Most of our interactions were in a form of my private verbal conversations which consisted of general thoughts and realizations but I have taken the time to compose this letter so that I can organize my thoughts and specifically tell you everything that I want you to know. This past few years has been so challenging to me although I’m not complaining I just want to express my thoughts on things that really matter to me. I know I may forget to talk to you sometimes due to circumstances but we both know that you’re right here in my heart always – keeping me humble and good-hearted. You, almighty Father, are the only one I can truly put my faith in, you are my true strength, my father, my friend, my confidant, my mentor, my prince charming even. You are the only one who sees me in my entirety – free from judgment, from discrimination and prejudice. You alone can understand the complexities of my personality and accepts me whole-heartedly. So, Father, I’m asking you to hear me and aid me on my journey to self-discovery and true happiness.
Let me take this opportunity to reflect on all the things I have done wrong. Father, I have sinned and I’m asking your forgiveness for I did not know what I was doing – I wasn’t thinking of You when I did all those things - I let hate and bitterness occupy my heart, I gave in to various temptations, I let my “inner demons” cloud my judgments, and I have put other things like money, desires, and passion above You. I apologize for hurting other people – may it be intentional or unintentional, physically, and emotionally, for all the deceit I have done and taken part in, for letting all seven major sins take over me, and for doing and thinking of acts that dishonors and tarnishes your great name. Father, I’m sincerely humbled.
For twenty-six years, despite the unfortunate events in my life, I have been so blessed thanks to you Father. You have given me a life that was filled with valuable lessons, memorable experiences and little anecdotes that remind me of the simple things that matter to me. These and more are the reasons why I appreciate life, I appreciate You. It has been a series of rollercoaster rides – I have been through velvet and chains, experienced luxury and poverty, to be privileged and to be indigent, I have bled for pains of love and life, even death, I have somehow reached some of my goals and dreams, I have a loving but somewhat challenging family, great friends, I have beaten all the odds of my orientation – I’m proud to be gay and I know in your eyes you don’t love me any less as your son, I’m treated right, I’m accepted and somehow, You have given me exceptional talents that I have to really work on in order for me to live a fabulous life. I have stood the nostalgic test of time and just like a well – sharpened samurai, I’m ready for almost anything because I know I have You. Loving Father, I want to thank you for all the blessing that you have given me, and my loved ones, for the good health and for the opportunities that you have bestowed on me all this time. Also, I would like to thank all of the people who have helped me in some way and for giving me their respect, love and trust. I am filled with so much gratitude and I have never felt so loved. My biggest THANK YOU!
Father, I ask and pray that you would continue in showering me and my loved ones blessings and opportunities in the years to come, guide us all through the way, help me make the right decisions, protect us from evil, bad company, sickness, and harm, and may there be more help coming from those people who have extended their blessings to me and my family. I couldn’t thank them enough.
I know that I have never really asked for something specific in my life before because I though all the while, it would be inappropriate and that I would be asking for too much from you so I kept it simple and general. Father, you have been my sole witness to all the wonderful and excruciating events of my existence and so I humbly ask specifically all of these things I will be enumerating and it would bring me so much joy if you will grant me these wishes.
I pray that I will have the opportunity to fulfill all the items on my bucket list, Travel and see the world and learn new things and discover new experiences to help me grow as an individual. I want to migrate to another country Father. I ask for inner peace and harmony, for a life of abundance – it may not be too much but just enough to live in comfort, simplicity and with peace of mind. I pray for a life that is mine, a life filled with love and understanding – to be able to live in independence, in private, and in harmony with other people. Also, I pray for more time and energy for me to do all the things that I feel happy doing - recreational stuff for the mind and body, getting involved in an important cause, do charity work and live a spiritual life.
Father, I pray that I will be given the opportunity to not just have a work life but a career. I want a career that is dynamic and on the go. I want my voice to matter and my talents valued. I ask for the opportunity to improve my skills and talents in order for me to excel in the career that I want to be in. I want to wake-up in the morning smiling and rushing to go to work because I love doing it so much. I want to feel like I’m not really working and that I’m just playing and enjoying every minute of it. I want to work abroad again Father. Please help me fulfill all the things I need to do in order for me to go back to Dubai or give me another opportunity to work in a different country, guide me in all of my plans and decisions, and deliver me from all the bad choices that makes my life toxic and stressful. I believe that my success lies not in here but in foreign grounds.
Last but definitely not the least merciful Father, I rarely ask you this but I have decided that I will have to if I want to be happy in my life. I pray for the guy that would be my life-long partner in love. He must be understanding, kind-hearted, sincere, honest, loyal, humble, generous, open-minded, optimistic, sensitive, and who has a personality that compliments mine – and of course, a charming sense of humor. I pray for a guy that I can share a load with in times where I can no longer carry it myself. I want us to support one another, be each other’s “go-to-person” or support system, a best friend. I want to build a mature and loving relationship with him – simple but happy. I want someone who I can really talk to, who is a great listener, and who is sensitive enough to know your needs. I want a life of security with him – in all aspects. I want someone who can share goals with me, plan with me and makes our relationship a priority. I want him to love me as much as I love him. He must be able to respect and accept me in my entirety like I respect and accept him. He must be someone who honors privacy and gives room for both of us to grow as an individual, someone that is emotionally mature in dealing with “inner demons”, issues and challenges along the way, who is very consistent in everything that he does, and who would never give up on the relationship that easily. I pray for someone who will love me for a lifetime and would think that I’m the only handsome guy around even in my worst of moments. I want someone who I can grow old with and who’s got my back for as long as it takes, someone who I can really rely on and feel safe. Physical attributes are a plus but it’s not that important. I want a guy with potential not who is someone ideal. I never dream of a perfect relationship but an imperfectly perfect one where we can both fit in impeccably.
This I ask in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…Amen!
Roger Mikaelo L. Lamata jr.